mike

The Anti-Cassettes of Auris Apothecary
2.1.18 by Mike Haley

Generally speaking a desired feature with cassette tapes is that they are easily playable. A dowsing of variants exist, but ideally someone producing a cassette would use high grade magnetic tape, employ real-time or professional duplication, and pack that sucker in a fresh Norelco case. Nowhere during that process would rotten meat or sand make an appearance. Those materials are far from industry standards (I checked). The cassette industry newsletter must have went straight to Auris Apothecary‘s spam folder. Ooops! The Indiana-based label has a long and strong catalog traversing the freeway of possible formats: vinyl, CDr, runs of NES OST tapes, floppy discs, reel-to-reels, etc… They also have a reputation of taking the exit ramp and voyaging the roads far less traveled. The ones paved with rotten meat and sand. I’m talking about anti-cassettes.

Traditionally, anti-cassettes are tapes designed to be impossible to play, or at the very least, a major fucking chore. Auris Apothecary did not invent the format, but have most definitely matured it into a thoughtful art/mind/music experimentation. “Anti-cassettes to us represent a way to implement tangible manifestations of abstract concepts.” said label guru Dante Augustus Scarlatti. “Multiple layers of ideas are embedded into every facet of them, from the audio content and the title, to the artwork and the alteration. Almost every piece of anti-releases are cohesively created and directly tied into one another, rather than simply being a collection of new songs or a random musical object that’s been senselessly destroyed.”

Luckily their plans to use spoiled meat as packaging got canned, along with other bonker blueprints like an ant farm anti-cassette. Sand got the green light in 2010 with AA’s inaugural anti-cassettes Unholy Triforce’s ‎”Sandin’ Yr Vagina.” The plugged-up tapes were filled to the brim with sand, labeled with a vintage label maker, and packaged in an emery clothe (basically sand paper) Ocard. “To this day it’s our most destructive release, musically and conceptually, as it can destroy the machine it’s played in and makes a mess wherever it goes.” If you ask me, anyone attempting to play a tape full of sand deserves to have their deck gnarled up. Dante Augustus Scarlatti has a rosier view. “We very much want people to figure out a way to play back the music contained on our anti-releases. We meticulously test for and can guarantee the salvageability of the audio content for every copy, despite how they may appear.”

Standards are just shy of using a cleanroom and wearing one of those full-body suits (booties to hood style) for their anti-cassette process. While working on “Siberiliszt Inferno” by Unholy Triforce in 2015, a cassette that was literally melted – Melted! – caution was taken not to touch the tape reels. Imagine getting a molten ball of tape and thinking “Let me make sure no one touched the reels!” Up to 71 people may have done that.

Prototypes for the “Baptism” anti-cassette C30 by Rob Funkhouser ran into a unique snag when the water that the tapes were submerged in became cloudy from rust. “We removed the metal and felt pieces” Dante said of the solution, noting an attempt to avoid “compromising the magnetic materials.” That helicopter parenting is what sections off Auris Apothecary’s anti-cassettes from something like “Wind Licked Dirt” by The Haters, an anti-cassette released by Hanson that is played by rubbing it in dirt. Not that there’s anything wrong with that!

“Some are harder than others to play back, but none of them are impossible, and they all contain unique music written for the release. Viewing them as “art objects” and never listening is like owning a book for the cover art but never reading it.” The level of difficulty ranges from beginner to expert. If you only feel comfortable toweling off hot sauce and unfurling 50 square feet of aluminum foil, you’re in luck. Maybe you want to tackle a sonic-welded (no screws) tape with toothless spools. Go for it! Or just put the entire damn thing together yourself.

A full archive of Auris Apothecary’s anti-cassettes can be accessed through this anti-link: L#-_I}}][}{\N.k

First Terrace Records releases the multifaceted stunner “Compilation 2”
1.26.18 by Mike Haley

Let’s say a friend is telling you a story about, I don’t know, going to Whole Foods for avocado water or whatever. If during that story they offhandedly mention that Huey Lewis was there shopping for chestnut kefir spread I would call them out for burying the lede. The avocado water story, no matter how interesting, becomes meaningless when The News (lol) is now 100% Huey.

First Terrace Records buried the lede with “Compilation 2.” And boy did they pile the dirt on.

The image above shows off the compilation’s exceptional packaging and contents. The gold embossed box with prints and a zine looks like something you would see attached to the article “Woman discovers original Basquiat journal in cigar box.” The curation is flawless. You can stream all thirteen tracks if you don’t trust me for some reason. Even if you do trust me, listen to them anyway for a frothy lathering of damaged energy and a hard-won out of body bubble bath.

BUT the real story here: The runtime of “Compilation 2” is 68 minutes long. Just one minute shy of a very VERY funny number of minutes. Start off with that, then get into how fucking amazing this thing is. That tip is free for First Terrace. The tape will cost you, but it’s worth it.

Cinchel – A Sad Study in Temporal Dissonance
1.23.18 by Mike Haley

I’m onto you Cinchel. *cracks knuckles*
I’ve figured out your little game. *cracks neck*
I see what you’re trying to do. *cracks all seven Chakras*

“A Sad Study in Temporal Dissonance,” Cinchel’s latest for the Patient Sounds label, is a trap. A sunken trench covered in fall leaves, misleading young lovers, hikers, and cassette reviewers to early termination with the assurance of radiant golds and magentas. The nine track subterfuge (which clocks in at a hour btw) starts off with bells. BELLS! It seems obvious now, gazing up to the light from the bottom of a deep ditch Cinchel has dug, that the bells were pure enticement. Why would the sound of ceremonious bells even be wafting about like an unignorable aroma anyways? But, you know what they say – hindsight is 4/20. Now I’m trapped in a pit.

Every song on “A Sad Study” doesn’t begin sugary sweet only to dilate into a ravine of darkness, but it would be good form to assume that the next gum up of good times is always on it’s way. The smooth sailing guitar, electronics, and BELLS! It all crumbles with time. I guess that’s just life though; A sequence of attempting not to fall in ditches mixed with falling in ditches.

I managed to get a message out to Cinchel asking him to explain his intentions with this devious shit, and to please send supplies. His response:

“The tape is meant to mimic the arc of life: birth to death. Each song explores how events in a life are in a constant balance between happy/sad, optimism/pessimism.”

No supplies were included.

I applaud Cinchel for his work on this tape. The angelic avalanches and cruel certainty are like oil and water, end-to-end saturating the recording. Cinchel is one of the few “drone people” (if that means anything?) that refuses to bore and “A Sad Study in Temporal Dissonance” is an excellent sounding/looking tape. I just wish he would help me out of this hole… Maybe you’ll join me!?

Norelco Mori announces preorder for “Compilation 001”
1.19.18 by Mike Haley

Well, well, well. What in the hell do we have here? It looks like the Tabs Out archenemy, rival cassette podcast Norelco BORI, has done cooked themselves up a niiiiice looking cassette compilation for the new Norelco Mori Limited label. Wouldn’t it be a shame if something nasty were to happen to it? Something like, I don’t know, a REAL COOL cassette podcast pulling a huge prank and dubbing over all 100 copies with Donkey Lips sound clips just as Ted ButTler finished dubbing them in real time on chrome cassettes. I’m not saying it’s gonna happen, I’m just saying it COULD happen. Yeah, dub right over all 11 tracks from b.lind, øjeRum, Desroi, Grozny Penthouse, Head Dress, Lower Tar, Con Cetta, Tom Hall, Sleep Clinic, Grøn, and even this little ditty by Sequences.

That would be hilarious. And to be honest, people would probably like “Compilation 001″even more with a zany twist like that. And can we talk about the name?! “Compilation 001” is what you’re going with? That’s it? Here’s some low hanging fruit to bite into, Ted: “Compilation 069.” You taste those juices? That’s a name like that will drive these preorders through the friggin ROOF. So heads up, Head Dress. Get your act together.

Ｓｐｏｒｔ３０００- Ｃｌｅａｒａｎｃｅ Ｓａｌｅ
1.17.18 by Mike Haley

The Swiss financial services holding company Credit Suisse has predicted that upwards of 25% of US malls (roughly 275 shopping centers) will close in the next five years. That is on top of the landscape of skeletal boxes, or dead malls, currently rotting across the country. For every 100 Americans there are 2,353 square feet of shopping center space, which makes less and less sense in a reality where a person can grab bacon, lasers, and DJ equipment for their cat all from the comfort of a sad, but convenient couch.

I was talking with my dad not long ago and the conversation, of course, went to his youth. Nothing is more special to a boomer than a boomer’s coming of age… Beatles and shit. He’s going on about how there used to be stores around the neighborhood. “People could walk to all the local stores and get whatever they needed, but not anymore, they’re all gone.” Yeah, you did that. You replaced the local Main or Market or whatever the street was in that particular town with standardized zones of acquisition. Don’t get me wrong, malls were stone cold cool to hang out at as a kid, shiiiiii.  But that’s probably it for em, huh? In use for but a few decades, malls are now essentially time capsules. The cities remain dry and malls are downgraded to museums of spent neon and plastic trees from the worst era of plastic trees. Pretty cool, right? Perhaps one day they’ll become capitols for the various post-nuclear survivor factions who use expired Kohl’s Cash as currency. Here is an artist rendering of what that might look like:

Ｓｐｏｒｔ３０００, who does something silly with the font of course, is a person, or people, or line of code with a bad case of mall-brain. The blurry-eyed lounge drip of “Ｃｌｅａｒａｎｃｅ Ｓａｌｅ” goes thirteen tracks deep, setting out to narrate the life and death of a department store, and absolutely nailing that objective. The opener,３０，０００ Ｓｑｕａｒｅ Ｍｅｔｅｒｓ, is fresh and welcoming -The floors are buffed so well they look like you could ice skate on them. Piles of sweaters and husky boy slacks are displayed in precise piles like a Navy man folded them. Generally, the first half of the tape is extremely chill. The security cameras are still running, all the registers are working, etc…  Each track on the front end walks us through another department, Cosmetics & Beauty sounding particularly popping, even visiting a restaurant on the top floor. How fancy. With majorly impressive form, Ｓｐｏｒｔ３０００ vacuumed the DNA of a fictional high-end shopping mall and it’s decline. Speaking of the decline… By the time we reach the title track Ｃｌｅａｒａｎｃｅ Ｓａｌｅ there is a guy holding a huge arrow sign outside. “80% off!” “Final Day!” Not only does the malsoft vibe begin to languish into depression, buffering glitches and long moments of silence stick the the back end tracks. Carl the guard isn’t monitoring the security footage anymore. Hell, the cameras haven’t worked in months. Lollipops from Halloween promotions stick to every possible surface, including the mannequins, who can even feel the end coming. Everything must go!

Closed Forever.

Adhesive Sounds only made 25 copies of this tape! Hurry up and buy one from them or Burlington Coat Factory.