masteller

Honnda – Maraschino Mic Drop
4.11.18 by Ryan Masteller

From the man who brought you “Diamonds in the Microwave” —

— You didn’t know that was a thing, did you? Turns out there’s an alternative to blood diamonds for those of us (like me) with an insatiable gem fetish. And here I thought Honnda was suggesting you put a heap of diamonds in the microwave, press “Popcorn,” and sit back to enjoy the prismatically awesome and potentially hazardous light show. I mean, it’s not a ridiculous conclusion to draw — that’s basically what Honnda’s music sounds like anyway —

— comes “Maraschino Mic Drop”! Amnon Freidlin returns with a full-length cassette of crystalline melodies and spastic rhythms, expanding upon his “Diamonds” adventure while recalling it in obvious ways. Indeed, “Box Outs,” “Crowd Crush,” and the totally bonkers “Megga Millionz” (featuring Dai Burger on vox) bridge the gap, appearing on each, starring on each, whipping you into a sugary frenzy on each.

But get this — there’s some extra sugar on this one, because those Maraschino cherries are DROWNING in that shit! That’s right, imagine that heap of diamonds sizzling away in the microwave, but covered in gooey red syrup. Also sprayed with Binaca (“Binaca Raptor”) and cut with Tic Tacs (“Lava Bath”). I mean, this thing is razor sharp, hot as hell, and stickier than the inside of the pockets of my cut-offs on a summer’s day — and yet it’s more approachable than any of those things suggest. Trust me, you will never get the laser breakdowns of “It’s a Fox (Ft. Toiny)” out of your head. They will be your constant companion on your trip to the hospital, a journey via ambulance necessitated by the occurrence any number of things suggested in these paragraphs.

Oh, and if you end up breakdancing to this, which is super easy to do, you might also get hurt. Especially if you’re my age, and as inflexible as I am.

Release date is April 6, so either preorder or order now (depending on what day you read this) from the benevolent folks at Orange Milk! Mic drop, cherry on top.

Substrates – Lethean
4.7.18 by Ryan Masteller

I left. I just had to. What was I gonna do?

Substrates – an artist scratching at the surface beneath the surface, excavating the elemental truths – uses the following as proof to wordlessly publish in scientific journals great treatises on the singular moment “where everything exists simultaneously and is rhymed through time”: Mobius looper, Reaper, Kurzweil PC88, Kurzweil PC3LE, Microkorg XL, Casio HT-700, M-Audio Profire 610, Zoom TAC-8, Valhalla effects. I mention all this because these seemingly random letters and numbers, barely existing within the context of English, are the tools of the master at work, the scientist combing through his data and configuring it into understandable chunks.

I listened to Substrates and completed my calculations. I left Earth. Earth was too limiting.

Earth made me forget.

Like “VALIS,” Philip K. Dick’s masterwork that stripped back the layers of consciousness over an entire millennium, “Lethean” probes the underlying truths of human connectivity to itself and the cosmos, scrutinizing the blueprints of perception and reconstituting its nerve centers to distinguish beyond itself, beyond humanity’s waking capacity for external stimulus. “Lethean” was the melodic beam to the center of my skull. You want the building blocks of material existence rendered in sound form? You got it right here, buddy.

I don’t know where I’m going, but this rickety ship better get me somewhere good, somewhere that I can evolve beyond the confines of myself. Blasting Substrates on a continuous loop is at least a refreshing balm. Glad I had that tape deck installed.

“Chrome cassette tape, in a Norelco box, featuring artwork by Clint Fulkerson (accretion disc #73).” Yes, you DO want to buy one…

Subversive Intentions – Variations on the Seinfeld Theme
4.2.18 by Ryan Masteller

We’re nothing if not up for a good laugh around here at Tabs Out, so if you’ve got a “stunt tape,” chances are you’re getting covered. Congratulations, then, are in order to Subversive Intentions, whose “Variations on the Seinfeld Theme” had me dreaming about uproarious comedic situations before I even had a chance to care about what was on the tape. I mean, I love me some Seinfeld (Frank Costanza might be the greatest character ever conceived), so the thought of someone riffing on Jonathan Wolff’s iconic fretless bass runs gave me some goosey chillbumps. It was all I could do to stop myself from shouting “Serenity now!” at the top of my lungs.

The more I thought about it, though, the more I realized it would probably be tiresome to hear the exact same thing over and over, slightly varied in an attempt at “interest.” Fortunately, Subversive Intentions doesn’t ACTUALLY tackle the Seinfeld theme, but the artist also known as ND Dentico DOES fire through “fragmentary improvisations on electric bass, sound collages, and micro drones.” Twenty-seven short pieces adorn side A, while side B contains a half-hour piece called “Drone I,” a tectonic shifting smear of all that came before it. The brevity of the compositions keep the attention locked in, and the changes in pace from one piece to the next add flavor and color. Before you know it, you’ll be confidently shutting down anyone who doubts that this tape is anything more than a “trick” or a “show” with zingers like, “Well the Jerk Store called – they’re running out of you!”

These “reclaimed cassette tapes [are] dubbed in real time with hand cut j cards from salvaged books. Each cassette has unique album art.” Edition of 25 on Histamine Tapes. Mine’s the “Greens Wild and Domestic” one!

The Fantastic Imagination – Moon Phases Volume One
3.29.18 by Ryan Masteller

There’s no way I approach this with anything less than a reference to that karate movie that everybody loves, the one with the waxing (both on and off). It is a classic underdog story, and if anybody knows anything about classic underdog stories, it’s the city of Philadelphia, home to The Fantastic Imagination. There, the man sometimes known as Josh Meakim meditates at the moon, memorizing its “phases” and combining their lunar influence with far-out synthesizer passages in a psychedelic stew. This beautiful hybrid will serve as the reference point for all other beautiful hybrids, informing them with ethereal scores sounding not only crystalline and new but also incredibly ancient at the exact same time.

And if you’re wondering if I’m just trying to see how many anachronistic action movie references I can fit into this writeup, you’d be right. Maybe it’s because I’ve been drinking from that flask I got (the cool one with the Celtic-y cross on it) from the weird vampire shop just off of South Street. Maybe the whole “Wax”-ing and “Wane”-ing thing is affecting me like a werewolf. At any rate, I wouldn’t fault Josh Meakim for throwing some straight punches, uppercuts, knife-hands, elbow strikes, backfists, roundhouses, snap kicks, sweep the leg johnnys, or cranes my direction, because I’m clearly not in my right mind. Is that the effect he has on me? Is that the effect “Moon Phases Volume One” has on me? Swells of burbling synths and clustering patterns forever wash over my ears like the ocean tides on a distant planet. Who says we’re talking about Earth’s moon here?

“Moon Phases Volume One” is available from Dub Sum in an edition of “50 handmade tapes with silver cassettes, sage, and black candles to engage spells.” I honestly can’t tell if the sage and candles come with it or you have to use some from your own vast stash.

Aidan Baker – Aberration
3.26.18 by Ryan Masteller

Aidan Baker’s been doin’ it, and doin’ it, and doin’ it well for nigh on two decades, at LEAST, even more if you count his musical education, etc., in the years before Nadja. And sure, I do, because I’m looking at his CV, and his application for this office position will LIVE AND DIE on his scholastic preparation. Actually that’s not true – I’m the one interviewing with Mr. Baker, hoping against hope that he reads this and hires me for whatever this job actually is. [Glances at newspaper clipping:] “Personal secretary.” Whatever, it’s not the best, but “a man’s gotta do,” right? Oh god, he could buy and sell me on the stock markets, probably. The DOW and the NASCAR. I’m so nervous.

So I better write some nice things about him here. Let’s see… “Aberration” on Somewherecold Records is a “tour de force” of minimalist guitar experimentation, a “maelstrom” of “restraint” and “texture,” a “classic exploration” down the “rabbit hole” of “ambient soundscape,” a “shining example” of the expressions of “internal wonderment.” An “aberration” in Baker’s mighty catalog? Not on your life. The guitar figures intertwine with the minimal rhythms, merging into complex tonal structures and seeping into the atmosphere. There’s so much mood I can feel it in my butt. Or that might still be the nerves.

And look, I hope nobody thinks this is a conflict of interest, because it’s totally not.

What would it take for you to buy one of these 50 hand-numbered (!) tapes? I can come to your house and hand-deliver one if you like. See Aidan? I’m good worker!